

Youth fiction isn’t interesting anymore but adult fiction intimates me. A 4k fanfic is too short but a 4k academic paper is too long. I know how to cook but can’t remember what.

I want to be held but I want to be alone. I have no reason to return to my hometown: there’s no one there for me. So did my friends, their families, everyone I knew. How could someone who knows so much about me know so little? I want to go home but my parents moved. I miss my mom but I don’t want to talk to her. When did I grow up? When did I start feeling beautiful? When did I gain weight? When did reading in the car start making me carsick? Tattoos meant someone had been in the military or prison, but now I have one and want more. I don’t regret getting married but I wish I’d kissed a girl first. I want a graduate degree but I’m a terrible student. I’ve been working on my four-year degree for six years. When did I stop wanting kids? Did I ever or was it just expected of me. Am I too old to dye my hair? I married young (22) but I don’t have kids (25). I’m finally brave enough to wear bright lipstick. My mom thinks I’m cute, my sisters think I’m tacky. My husband bought me wireless headphones but I can’t figure out how to work them. I listened to the first Taylor Swift CD on a portable CD player with wire headphones. My first video game was a joystick plugged into a TV, now I play Apex Legends on a PC. Film and digital cameras gave way to iPhones. Blockbuster, Redbox, Netflix, Hulu, Disney+. I saw Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Twilight, and Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix in theatre but now I watch everything online. McCain but couldn’t vote until Hillary v. High waist jeans are the most comfortable things in the world. I’ve worn bootcut, straight, skinny, and mom jeans. I’ve never downloaded TikTok but I haven’t used Facebook in years. I know who Billie Eilish is but her music is too overwhelming. I’m trapped somewhere between Millennial and Gen Z.
